My Congruency Plan


"Be not only a light in the darkness. Be the sunrise." Steffanie Barger

A nightmare turned into my buoy

It turned midnight a few hours ago. January 19th turned into January 20, 2021, my birthday and Inauguration Day. Clammy, cold, hot, confused. Woke from a nightmare, pulled my laptop from the floor, sat it on the bed, ear phones in, knew EXACTLY how to fix this moment.

Since January 11th, I'd been listening to my mentors LIVE at 10:30am every weekday. That alone was enough to help my heart rate noticeably slow, eyes focus on the ceiling, the walls, the window, a nearby book. I remembered, "take 3 minutes, breathe, close eyes, get a glass of water."

Since I was little, when I wake from a nightmare I begin naming items I can see. I take each letter and create another word until I fall back asleep, intercepting my thoughts, deterring the nightmare’s hold on my emotions, diverting my attention to something completely different, real, known.

the us capitol 2017.jpg

What was really real at the moment? My mind began to wander off. Open eyes, repeat: Window, desk, bed, covers, pen, book, what book, name the book.

Eventually I got a sip of water, walked it off and lay back down with (in my ears) Brendon Burchard and Jamie Kern Lima. I lay on my side, left ear in the pillow, laptop behind me. Eyes closed. I breathed in, held it for a count of four, breathed out and listened intently. Brendon and Jamie were on Instagram with the Growth Day Morning Show, free to all. I replayed the Feeling Goals Show, for the third time that day, usually taking notes and sitting by the open window, sun pouring in, on a January 40 degree day, a cool breeze, powerfully typing away, pausing their voices only when I’d already engulfed the LIVE feed. The second listen earlier in the afternoon was now on repeat. I focused on how I'd typed for hours about anything that popped up relevant or not, to do lists, dreams, questions, how’s, where, with who, when, but at the moment it was after 3:30am, eyes closed, body lying still, recovering from visions that tried desperately to take over...