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"I had a buoy..."

 

On the afternoon of January 6th, 2021, I broke. Numb yet filled with indescribable feelings, January 6th broke me, I repeated to myself over and over. The more I pulled away, the more it gripped my soul, like a huge wave, an undertoe...

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Unleash Your Chaos in a Bottle.

Wait! Do you have a buoy?

I Had a Buoy

...a riptide that just kept me hanging there, suspended, pulled my physical body achingly in different directions, yet what had once been my safe place where my core values reside, my friends, my perceptions, strong beliefs, they were all being ripped apart too. I found myself alone. What was left to break after 2020? Not my soul. I had a buoy... What was it? Weeks went by. It wasn't my friends. It wasn't my friends' views of me. It wasn't the darkness that took over. It wasn't the sadness that crept in deep. It wasn't all the pains that erupted inside of me. It wasn't even my beliefs. It was reality. And THAT was anything I wanted it to be. At 3:30am on my birthday, the early morning of January 20th, 2021... 

 

@happyinsides

 

A particular nightmare has never left my side. 2021 was on my mind almost all of 2020, as if when the date changed, life would change, the world around me would man up, calm down, align with the stars and all the hearts on earth would feel love. Our nervous systems, calm. Our collective New Year’s Resolutions would take the place of any hurts, pains, disappointments, uncomfortable, bumpy roads traveled. The road ahead filled with bliss and new possibilities. Any anxieties, worries, problems, challenges the world faced would disappear. That didn’t happen. Things seemed to get worse and exciting at the same time.

 

Misery had set in and I ignored it. January 6th occurred. And I broke.

Feelings I want to Feel

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Words that Empower Me

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